Posted by Leslie on March 20th, 2008 | 5 Comments

{Edition XX}

Thirteen Funny Quotes

1. “Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” ~ Oscar Wilde

2. “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” ~ Fats Domino

3. “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.” ~ Winston Churchill

4. “I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick — not wounded — dead.” ~ Woody Allen

5. “The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.” ~ Dave Barry

6. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary — it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” ~ Bill Cosby

7. “A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” ~ Groucho Marx

8. “Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.” ~ Carol Burnett

9. “I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.” ~ Nancy Mitford

10. “Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” ~ Red Buttons

11. “He who laughs last didn’t get it.” ~ Helen Giangregorio

12. “I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.” ~ Robert Orben

13. “I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.” ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

Bonus: “Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.” ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

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